My brother Ray said those words to me today. I told him how brilliant it was and he modestly admitted that only the word "truly" was his contribution. Its origin neither here nor there, it was a profound statement in the context of our conversation.
We were talking today about our individual and personal "food revolutions". I had mentioned to him that having watched "FoodMatters" a second time had a different affect than the first. I told him that I thought it was because the information regarding our food supply and what the human body needs had come in fragmented pieces, much like a disassembled puzzle. This education had been delivered in segments but was retained cumulatively. When I saw the documentary again, all the pieces slipped into perfect position and with clarity I could see the big picture. It also reinforced that gut feeling I had that I was doing the right thing. That's when he said "what has truly been seen, cannot be unseen".
Tomorrow I will yet again celebrate another birthday. I don't know what is so special about that "starting place" for me, but each birthday is embraced as if it were New Years Day. Its my day to clean the slate and write anew. Another year to try to get things right. But this year is somewhat different in that the children are older and as they grow more independent, I find more time for myself. Who would have thought that would finally happen.
This summer, my diet in check and the addition of vitamins and supplements, I feel I'm walking into my starting place in a positive way. I am so blessed to have the company of children, the love of family and the gift of health. Never have I appreciated each of these more than I do at this very moment. If its possible to turn back the hands of time, just a bit, then I will work to do so. Why? Because my family will need my love and guidance for as much time as I can give them. I can't give them half when they need my all.
With summer coming to a close, work and school looming, I will set goals, meet those goals and dance in each victory. I will make time to relax, to meditate and to think. I will continue to seek foods that nourish my body and help it to heal. I will sleep and make that healing event a priority. I suppose I will be writing too and that makes my soul laugh with delight.
While none of us knows the number of our days or how many starting places and New Years Days we ultimately get, it only makes sense to not waste them. Not a single one . I have lost people that I love dearly and with all my heart but I'm still alive. I did not die. I have much to do.
Showing posts with label food supply. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food supply. Show all posts
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Fire and Flames
Before Logan's death, I had learned to be very conscious of what I ate and drank. During that time of my nutritional enlightenment, food went from being mindless eating to "eyes wide open" events.
I can remember growing up and trusting that the food we ate each day was healthy and a nourishment to our bodies. We ate vegetables from the garden and chickens from our own coop. It was the dawn of commercial foods and foods of convenience. Even then, we ate without fear. I can remember those TV dinners that were actually covered with foil and only heated in the oven. We had them on occasion (and they were 19 cents each) but most of our meals were prepared from scratch in our own kitchen.
I'm not even sure I can recall how or when I learned what today's "food" really was. How it was delicious but void of nutrients. How even though we were overweight as a people, we were starving to death. How added ingredients in almost all commercial foods did nothing but fatten us up and contributed to most common health problems and diseases. How eating right can help the body heal itself. I learned and then I forgot.
Logan's death left everything blurry. Nothing made sense and we stopped being who were were before he died. It was as if one moment we were standing on dry ground, the next moment we were suddenly tossed into an angry stormy sea, barely able to keep our heads above the constantly moving water, holding on to each others hands in an effort to survive. In those days and months, that was all we could do. We just kept surviving. No real passion existed. It is as if the mind and the heart become disconnected, unable to communicate. We became shells of who we were. We looked the same for the most part but our souls had become shallow. We became one dimensional, thin and fragile. That's what sudden loss and grief can do to you.
It has been 18 months since that horrible day in October of 2009. It took a full 7 months before I could begin to feel anything. But I still didn't know who I was, what I liked, what I wanted or what was important. Very slowly the fog of grief began to lift. Logan no longer occupied our every thought. His memory no longer invaded our sleep.
There was guilt in letting that pain go and maybe we didn't let it go as much as we tucked it away in a drawer like some valued possession we hid for safe keeping. If we did that did it mean that we were forgetting him? The simple act of remembering him was to put a fire to gasoline. The end result was unspeakable pain. I think we understood that if we were to survive, if we were to find a purpose in our lives again, we were to live a life that could include joy and beauty, we had to manage our source of pain. We had to wrestle grief into that tiny box, put it in the drawer and close it. It would always be there and when we felt the need to remember, we could take it out, turn it this way and that and recall every detail. This examination would happen at a time of our choosing when the tears were hidden from the world.
For me, at least, I try not to open that drawer. I know where it is, I know whats in it. For the sake of my sanity, I try to leave it be. As time goes on, I can write about whats in that box and why it changed my world and why it has changed me.
This summer I began to remember all I had learned. I remembered it with a clarity and understanding that I had not had before. For so long I had neglected my physical body while my mental body healed. I failed to see through the fog that they are both critical to my survival and my ultimate healing.
I have embraced that part of me that is healing from the inside out, starting with my food choices. It has been a month and as I nourish my body with healthy foods, vitamins and minerals, I feel renewed strength. It is part of my second life here on Earth, a life that unfolds before me, completely new and different. Yet there are pieces of the old me that are there lying around for collection and use. I must have forgotten where I put them as I seem to find them one at a time.
Learning about the new me, the post October 2009 me is an adventure. The journey, including the fog, has forged a stronger woman. I have walked through the fire and found that instead of completely consuming me as I thought it would, it simply left me with calloused feet. Feet that can withstand both fire and flames.
The experience will serve me well in the future as life often throws at us what we think we cannot survive. Yet we do. How we survive is up to us. We simply need the will and desire to do so. Life takes care of the rest.
I can remember growing up and trusting that the food we ate each day was healthy and a nourishment to our bodies. We ate vegetables from the garden and chickens from our own coop. It was the dawn of commercial foods and foods of convenience. Even then, we ate without fear. I can remember those TV dinners that were actually covered with foil and only heated in the oven. We had them on occasion (and they were 19 cents each) but most of our meals were prepared from scratch in our own kitchen.
I'm not even sure I can recall how or when I learned what today's "food" really was. How it was delicious but void of nutrients. How even though we were overweight as a people, we were starving to death. How added ingredients in almost all commercial foods did nothing but fatten us up and contributed to most common health problems and diseases. How eating right can help the body heal itself. I learned and then I forgot.
Logan's death left everything blurry. Nothing made sense and we stopped being who were were before he died. It was as if one moment we were standing on dry ground, the next moment we were suddenly tossed into an angry stormy sea, barely able to keep our heads above the constantly moving water, holding on to each others hands in an effort to survive. In those days and months, that was all we could do. We just kept surviving. No real passion existed. It is as if the mind and the heart become disconnected, unable to communicate. We became shells of who we were. We looked the same for the most part but our souls had become shallow. We became one dimensional, thin and fragile. That's what sudden loss and grief can do to you.
It has been 18 months since that horrible day in October of 2009. It took a full 7 months before I could begin to feel anything. But I still didn't know who I was, what I liked, what I wanted or what was important. Very slowly the fog of grief began to lift. Logan no longer occupied our every thought. His memory no longer invaded our sleep.
There was guilt in letting that pain go and maybe we didn't let it go as much as we tucked it away in a drawer like some valued possession we hid for safe keeping. If we did that did it mean that we were forgetting him? The simple act of remembering him was to put a fire to gasoline. The end result was unspeakable pain. I think we understood that if we were to survive, if we were to find a purpose in our lives again, we were to live a life that could include joy and beauty, we had to manage our source of pain. We had to wrestle grief into that tiny box, put it in the drawer and close it. It would always be there and when we felt the need to remember, we could take it out, turn it this way and that and recall every detail. This examination would happen at a time of our choosing when the tears were hidden from the world.
For me, at least, I try not to open that drawer. I know where it is, I know whats in it. For the sake of my sanity, I try to leave it be. As time goes on, I can write about whats in that box and why it changed my world and why it has changed me.
This summer I began to remember all I had learned. I remembered it with a clarity and understanding that I had not had before. For so long I had neglected my physical body while my mental body healed. I failed to see through the fog that they are both critical to my survival and my ultimate healing.
I have embraced that part of me that is healing from the inside out, starting with my food choices. It has been a month and as I nourish my body with healthy foods, vitamins and minerals, I feel renewed strength. It is part of my second life here on Earth, a life that unfolds before me, completely new and different. Yet there are pieces of the old me that are there lying around for collection and use. I must have forgotten where I put them as I seem to find them one at a time.
Learning about the new me, the post October 2009 me is an adventure. The journey, including the fog, has forged a stronger woman. I have walked through the fire and found that instead of completely consuming me as I thought it would, it simply left me with calloused feet. Feet that can withstand both fire and flames.
The experience will serve me well in the future as life often throws at us what we think we cannot survive. Yet we do. How we survive is up to us. We simply need the will and desire to do so. Life takes care of the rest.
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