For Me and My Sunday

This Sunday morning is different from all the other Sunday mornings that await me.  It is a Sunday morning of ease. I have returned to work full time now but still this Sunday is special.

When you work as a secretary in a large public high school, returning to work comes in phases.  For several weeks, you merely adjust to getting up early and being gone from the Sanctuary for 8 hours a day.  For a few weeks, there are no students and the work load is light.  Its preparation time mostly.  Preparing the office for the busy days and preparing for the First Day when we reestablish our daily routines.  This will be my last Sunday where the stress of Monday is non-existent.  One more quiet week before the school doors open and the campus is alive with thousands of people.  Then every Sunday will be lived with one eye on Monday and all that it brings.  If only we could shut off the Mondays on our Sundays.  Then we would have the much needed peace and rest the day should bring.

This time also signifies the promise of Fall.  Its not far away now.  We have survived the heat and the drought which made summer feel like one continuous long, hot, dry day.  We've had our first cold front (yes it was only 96 degrees and cooler )which finally broke through the dominating high pressure system that has served as a cap on my part of the world.  A cap that kept the sun beating down on us and rain far far away.  Yesterday, the radar showed rain within 200 miles.  Of course it was nothing by the time it moved into our area but that rain came from the north and that's a very good sign.  Rain will eventually make it here in one form or fashion.  I have faith.

This time of year with the change of seasons approaching does make me reflective. There are mile markers I never realized existed.  My Son's birthday is near and it marks the birthday gathering that would prove to be the last time we saw Logan.

Because both the children in my home are August babies, we decided to have one party gathering for both of them in early August 2009.  Has it really been two years now?  Family came from all over to a popular kids pizza place.  Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Brothers and Sisters all gathered to bring gifts, eat cake and visit while the children ran and played.  My son and his cousin Logan, only two years apart in age, spent the entire day together.  They had such fun.  They thoroughly enjoyed their time together.  Both rather reserved socially, they found a comfortable place in each others company.  It was a really good day.  It was also the last day.

After Logan died two months later, we took a look at all the pictures from that day.  They were our last pictures.  I'm not sure why I'm thinking about that day this morning.  Perhaps it is all the changes now taking place, going back to work, kids only a week from school starting.  It just all feels familiar.  It is habit and repetition.  I guess there were just some years that were not repetitious and those are the ones that stay with us.

Ive written in earlier posts about the grief we endured the year after Logan's death.  Ive not given all the details surrounding his death and while I know that time is getting close for me to share, I will treat it like a Monday and not let it and all its pain intrude on my Sunday.  Not this Sunday.  Not this special Sunday.

As with most things in life, there are lessons to be learned from every single moment.  Lessons about ourselves and about others.  Lessons on love and loss.  Lessons on life and death.  Lessons on grief and joy.  Lessons, lessons, lessons.  I'm beginning to wonder if  Life isn't just one big classroom and we the students.  If that is the case, then with each day we should be able to manage the next because of what we have learned.

If that is the case, then experience tells me that Sundays must be managed.  Logan's loss must be managed.  Work must be managed. School and  homework and lunches and baths must all be managed.  All these things managed so that we don't stop living while dealing with them.  Perhaps it is about "getting in the moment". Maybe its about being good stewards of our time and being prepared for each day so as to not create unnecessary chaos.   Maybe its about being more patient and kinder when you feel neither of those things.  Perhaps its about gently yet continuously adjusting our own selves and our own lives in order to be better people and to treat people as we need to be treated.  Maybe we are our own mirror of the world.  What we give we get in return.

For me and my Sunday, we will enjoy each other as we prepare for the transition into Monday.  If Sunday is done correctly, Monday wont be so bad at all.

Enjoy your day everyone and thank you for reading.

My roses in the early spring.